Dear Friends, Followers, and just all of you,
From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.
I cannot even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was/am after the response following my tender post some weeks ago. I was absolutely terrified to write that and share it, but the response from all of you encouraged me and reminded me why I chose to in the first place. I was absolutely just blown away – its hard to even put into words how much your messages, texts, emails, comments, and even calls meant to me. They are even still now pouring in – something I also did not expect. I’ve been trying my best to respond to each and every one, but if I haven’t, please know your message is appreciated beyond what I could ever say. One message would have meant so much, but hundreds and hundreds.. just beyond.
Sharing a real, raw part of yourself is just downright scary. Whether that’s with one person or thousands. I’ve never really done that here on Style Cusp so it was a huge thing for me, especially with something so tender, raw, and personal. And something that I am still walking through, grieving, and feeling waves of emotion with. I wasn’t really ready for the outcome of what that post would bring, and on my end, the week following the post was really emotional – bringing up a lot of emotions that I am still working through, memories, reminders, and things like that. The fact of the matter is, and I’ve had to accept this, is that this is something that will take awhile to heal from. I wish so much that I could fast forward the clock and rush through the hurt and healing process – gosh, it aches so much. I’ve inwardly screamed for this, but know it’s just not physically possible and only time can heal my heart and soul.
Many of you shared with me your stories of lost loves, both in the past or ones you’re actively walking through right now. Even into raw detail and my heart just breaks for you because I know what this pain is in such a real way. I appreciate that you guys trust me enough to share your stories, your hurts, the things you are going through. In some ways, it’s like we’re friends. One of the reasons I shared my story is because I wanted it to in some way encourage even just one person out there. To know that you aren’t alone in walking through pain, even if it feels like it. There’s other people out there going through the same thing, and it’s 100% okay to not be okay and talk about it.
I shared this with some of you, but wanted to share this openly, in case there’s anyone else who needs to read or be reminded of it:
Let yourself feel every emotion. Go through every emotion. It’s 100% okay. Sob for hours if you need to. Stay in bed. It’s okay. Grief cannot be rushed or pushed away, you have to walk through each stage as it comes. Let yourself. Give yourself grace and remove the pressure to ‘perform’ or ‘show up’. You don’t need to. You don’t need to rush any part of your healing. You need to heal, and what or how that looks for you is unique to you. The time it takes is okay, because that’s all it will take.. is time.
In those first weeks and months, I thought I was going to die. I didn’t eat for weeks or shower for days on end. I laid in bed and cried. And it’s okay if you need to do that. The absolute best thing I did was take the time that I needed and even still need. Don’t feel like you need to run or rush to tell people either. Do that when you’re ready, or allow others to do it for you even. For me, I could barely even speak about the subject for a long time, and thankfully many of my family members stepped in to cover me in love and take care of that part so that I didn’t have to.
I truly am so grateful for each of you and your support. I know I will sound like a broken record if I say it one more time, but it has meant more to me than you will ever possibly know. I’m excited and hopeful for what the future holds and look forward to sharing more of my personal story with all of you. Like I’ve said before to you guys, there’s value and strength in sharing a personal part of you, and I now see that more than ever.