A lovely fellow blogista of ours, Vahni of Grit & Glamour, wrote an ever-inspiring post today entitled Mr. Stylist. When I read it I couldn’t help but feel a tug of guilt at my heartstrings, and the feeling that I know I’ve been having the past couple weeks came rushing in like a hurricane. If you haven’t read her post, I encourage you to do so! It really isn’t negative, by any means, but when each of us reads something, we are affected in a different way than the next person. Today, I just felt like what Vahni wrote in her opening paragraph was exactly what I needed to hear. Take a read:
“I think most men would tend to agree that life with a fashionista really ain’t easy. Especially a blogging fashionista. They hog all your closet space, they have waaaaay too many shoes and opinions, and when they’re not taking photos, blogging or obsessively checking their iPhones, they have their noses deep in a fashion magazine.”
This is so true. After reading each sentence, I couldn’t help but think “oh my goodness, is this me?” This is where my guilt set in. I have so often the past weeks and months, had my eyes glued to my computer screen while my boyfriend was sitting alongside me waiting for some sort of attention. (Note: please do not take this as I ignore him. I most definitely do NOT do this.) Of course, there are times when he is completely engrossed in the Braves or Falcons game on TV, but there there are others when he is just sitting there, waiting for me to be done. I always feel bad, but I will admit that I often justify me being on my computer for what seems like eternity with the thought of “Oh, but I HAVE to do this for my blog”, or “I just have to reply to these four more emails”. But really, do I HAVE to? Is it really that important that it can’t wait another hour or two and that I can’t sacrifice my time for someone who loves me unconditionally?
He often jokes around that I never put my computer down. I have to admit, I’m guilty. There’s some nights where I really don’t, and three hours have passed and I’m still captivated by my blogging world. Like I said, I feel bad, but I do it anyways. But, my friends, if I’m feeling bad, how bad is he feeling? Ouch.
See, the worst part is that he says it’s ok. Sometimes, I secretly wish he would get mad at me and say that I absolutely have to put my computer down for just one second. But he doesn’t. He somehow understands my passion (or can I say obsession, in a positive sense) with maintaining and nurturing my blog.
Blogging is by no means an easy task. Any of you bloggers who put hours and hours into your blog, promoting it, posting, commenting, etc., know exactly what I am referring to. It’s hard work. It takes time. It requires patience, creativity, a passion for writing, and the list goes on.
But isn’t this just what a relationship requires as well? Relationships require time, quality time. And no, I don’t mean just a ten minute time slot in between commenting on blogs, people. (guilty again.) They require patience and hard work to maintain their worth. Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, the people in our lives need us to be attentive to them, to compliment them, to love them, to notice them. That being said, in no way do I think my relationship is suffering because of my blogging, because it isn’t. But rather, I’m writing these things as a reminder to myself, and to you, that the words, pictures, and people on our computers should never take precedence over those in our lives, the ones who care for us and are consistently present on a daily basis.
Maybe Vahni’s post is exactly what I needed to read, to give me that push over the edge to listen to my heart. This doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to “blog less” or ” not use my computer after 6 o’clock”.. but rather, I want to use this as a reminder for myself (and I hope you will too!).
I love blogging. I love what it has become for me: an atmosphere that I have combined my passions into one thing. I would love for blogging to be my full time job someday, if that’s where this journey will take me. I love that my boyfriend understands my passions and love for blogging. And that he too, is supportive of my ventures.
But, I also love my boyfriend. And I want him to know, that from now on, if he wants me to put my computer down and take an hour out of our night to interact with him or even watch his Falcons game, that I will. I don’t ever want him to think that life with “a blogging fashionista” as Vahni said isn’t easy. That isn’t fair to him, and that isn’t fair to us. If in the future blogging does become my job, then there will be time specifically set aside to “do my blogging things”. Because, just like any other job or hobby, we all need time to unplug ourselves and remember what is most important.
It is not often that I open up about these kinds of things here at the Files, but after reading Vahni’s words I felt that it was necessary. I almost feel like it’s sort of me admitting that I know I do this, even though I really already know. Sometimes publicly saying things helps us to realize what we already know.
XXXO,
M
What a heart felt post and I love it. I think everyone feels this way. We are all so wrapped up in technology that we are kind of losing a sense of reality. Sometimes, we just have to sit back and let life happen. I think the same thing as you, do I really have to answer this email, its not a life or death situation, so they can wait…(though when I don’t answer, it tends to drive me crazy and I’m distracted the entire time). But baby steps, right:)
Marissa, this is a lovely, lovely post, and of course I am supremely flattered that my silly little post resonated so deeply with you. I think your post is well-timed, too. We ALL need to chill over the holidays and throw some real love to our real-life people!
Beautifully written piece.
♥ V
http://www.gritandglamour.com
twitter: @gritandglamour
Everyone has to find a happy balance between blogging and their relationship. I know from experience that blogging can really take up a lot of time but luckily my husband accompanies me on photo shoots and my day job work schedule allow me to get blogging time in while he is also at his day job. Happy medium is where its at
Oh my gosh! This post resonates so well with me. . . seriously! It’s hard enough to find balance in life, but throw in blogging, and wow, things can get really complicated.
Lately I’ve had to set aside specific time for blogging because otherwise friends and family can get pushed on the side. . . but it’s definitely still a work in progress!
Great post, very well written!
hearts and hugs,
Nina
I agree to every word! I think a lot of us can relate to this! Thanks so much for this post, it’s a reality check that we can’t let life pass us by.
much love,
jenna christine
–la vie en broke–
Marissa, I am right there with you on this!!! I just recently came to this exact same realization, and I have been really trying to be more attentive to my husband, especially in the evening. It can just be so hard and frustrating, though, because oftentimes I’m super busy with housework and errands during the day, and then once I get around to the computer in the evening, that’s when my husband is done with work and expects me to have wrapped everything up. Grrrr!!! It’s hard to find balance sometimes, isn’t it?
These are all very good observations, my beautiful friend!! And all very well-written, I might add.
Hope you have a perfect day! 🙂
OMG, i felt this post, im so guilty of the same thing! my man sitting beside waiting for me to finish blogging which takes like forever… oh my, i think i have to change that pattern soon! =/
Beautiful post!! So lucky to have each other, don’t ever take it for granted! Love that adorable pink cupcake on a stick as your banner too! Too cute!!
<3 Kaitlyn
This is such an adorable post and so well written too!! Def needed this reality check xx
i agree so much. i have this problem not only with my sweet husband, but my precious dog is feeling abandoned sometimes as well. he’ll often run up to my legs and tap me with his toy, like “remember when we used to play?” and it makes me so sad…so i’ve been trying to physically and deliberatly limit my “screen” time. you’re certainly not alone!
Ahhhh…Marissa! This really was something I needed to hear from another blogger and fashionista. And it’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently as well. Many people have been asking me why I am so MIA on the blogosphere, and this is part of the reason. I realized that I needed to have functional relationships outside this box we look into SO MUCH. I mean, it’s not to say that I don’t have functional relationships! I do. PROMISE. But sometimes the amount of time I spend on the computer is a tad scary. I know I do my work out of it, but when you add my personal blog time and growth (tweeting, Facebook, emailing…), it’s a HUGE chunk of my life. I am going to do my best to GET OUT and set aside MORE time for the people in my life. They are most important. They’re here with me everyday, even when I am not “all here”, blogging away!
(But still, no fears, I will be here for my blogger friends! I love all you guys and the friendships we’ve built. You all are my “real friends” too! 😉
xo,
Jenna
Aww I really enjoyed reading this post (and I definitely recognized myself in Vahni’s description!). My boyfriend’s pretty understanding and I try my best to make time for him away from the blogosphere. But it can be hard.
I really have never read a post where I felt like you stole the words right out of my mouth before. My husband and I struggle with this a lot and this past week I’ve really put blogging on the backburner and focused more on us and I definitely loved every minute of it but I also can’t wait until Saturday when I’ll have lots of time to spend on writing.
I think for me one of the biggest things I try to do is separate the time. If he’s watching his show or reading a book or magazine, then I try to do blogging during that time. If I know he’ll be at the gym for an hour or so I try to use that time for my blog and reading and commenting. I think the biggest thing is to 1. make sure he understands how important it is to you and then 2. never let blogging get in the way of spending time with your boyfriend.
Good luck! I think we all struggle with this in some form or another.
Thanks for a great, thought-provoking read!
Rachael at http://styleeveryday.com
Lovely blog you have here !
Like the pictures (:
xoxo
Wil you please check out my blog? You can follow me if you like (:
I’m completely the opposite, or at least I was with my last boyfriend. I would forsake blogging to do things he wanted to do and I didn’t realize how crappy that experience was until we broke up. I would always tell myself, “Don’t worry, I can blog later,” but later rarely came. As soon as I didn’t have him to consume my time, I realized how much I missed blogging and have vowed never to let another guy keep me from doing something I love, even if he’s doing it unconsciously. However, now that I’ve read this article, I’ll make an effort not to swing all the way to the other extreme and completely ignore any new boyfriends for blogging.
I’m just doing it right now… have spent more than 2 hours reading other blogs, commenting, doing research, and my gorgeous boyfriend is…working on an excel spreadsheet…this is simply WRONG!!! 🙂
This is a beautiful post! I don’t have a man in my life right now, but I have definitely been guilty of remaining so engrossed in my blogosphere world that I ignore my family a bit. Thanks for reminding me to balance :). Considering I am writing this at 2:51 am I think I am going to bed!
This is so great, thank you for writing about something so honestly. I totally agree with you about needing to take a break from the computer to spend quality time with a loved one. I know after taking endless photos of me for outfit posts, my fiance will ask if he can be included in some photos. It definitely reminds me that I can’t spend all of my time checking up on the blog.
Wonderful post!