30

Cusp Convo: Getting Vulnerable

Two Things I'm Currently Struggling With

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a Cusp Convo post, but I wanted to bring them back because they’re a great, easy way to chat different topics with you guys. I would love to cover things here that you’re interested in or want to know, so please leave comments below or email me any ideas, questions, etc. that you might have!

After sharing some different encouraging quotes and verse the last few weeks on instagram, I was blown away by how many of you were messaging me saying how much you needed those too. I was getting messages back from each of you about your story, your struggle, and what you’re dealing with right now.

All I can say is wow. It touched me in such a special way that each of you would open up to me + share real, hard, vulnerable things.. me, someone you don’t even know.

It challenged me in a little way to be a little more vulnerable back. Something I don’t usually do here on the web – I’ve chosen to keep parts of my life private because so much of it is public, you know? But this time, I wanted to open up with you guys right back.. so here we are.

My faith is incredibly important to me. I grew up in a Christian home, went to a Christian school, and graduated from Liberty University. I’m currently actively involved in my church here in Connecticut and actually just wrapped up launching a huge digital project with them over the last 6 months. I could share so much about my personal life, walk with the Lord, and more.. but that’s all a story for another day.

In 2018, I’m really purposing to start out my day with the Lord. And funny as I’m sitting here writing this, I didn’t start today out that way. Full transparency here, girls! I am not perfect by any means, and even with the best of intentions, my day gets going sometimes before I’ve had time to sit down in my Word. But when I do do this, I notice an incredible difference in my day, ability to focus, my attitude/outlook, how I respond/react to my fiancé, and so much more. How you start your day is SO IMPORTANT. I read this quote the other day on facebook and it hit me so hard. I had to mark it down:

 

Your day is pretty much formed by how you spend your first hour.
Check your thoughts, attitude, and heart.

 

It was really heavy on my heart this year to be intentional about how I spend my morning. To refresh myself after the day before + whatever stresses, worries, decisions, or situations happened, and then to really set an intention for the day ahead. Align my thinking with Christ: His thoughts, His attitude, and His heart. Not my own.

We all have our own struggles, our own personal life situations, strongholds, hang ups, you name it. Two of mine are fear + discouragement, and these come from a generational mindset I am trying to break out of. It’s a struggle, let me tell you. But by refreshing myself with the Lord each morning, I’m reminded of His promises to me + for me. I’m learning to speak LIFE into my struggles and situations, and not dwell on the negative or “what if/could” happen or even what did happen. I’m learning to outwardly and audibly claim who God says I am and what He has spoken over me. He loves me with no conditions, He accepts me just as I am. I’m learning to constantly maintain an upward mindset, one that is full of joy, purpose, abundance, and blessing. It is SO refreshing to see the world, my life, and even myself this way. To not internalize the negativity of the world or those around us, even those closest to us.

For the first week of this year, I fought it. I didn’t want to sit down and spend time in the Word, reading, writing, and journaling (I’m a huge journaler.. like 6+ pages a day sometimes). You know why? Because I knew that if I did, it would require me to face the fear + discouragement that I was feeling, head on. And sometimes, that’s really hard. To look it right in the eye and say no.

But after the first week went by, I sat there and said no. I placed people around me who encouraged me to say no, who supported that no, who spoke life into my life, and who reminded me of the promises that God has spoken to me. I chose to get up and get out of my own way, and not allow myself to be bogged down with fear + discouragement – which are just lies and insecurities that are placed in our head by other people or Satan himself.

Who you place around you is so important. Listen up, if you’re reading this today – Who you place around you is so important. You have the ability to choose who speaks into and over your life, who influences it, and what kind of mindset is being portrayed. Choose carefully. Because if you allow fear, discouragement, insecurity, resentment, bitterness, anger, the list goes on.. to be spoken into you + over you, that will become your mindset. Run from that, cast it off. Openly say NO, I do not accept that over my life. It does not have power or place over me. It might have power or place over the person or thing it came from, but it does NOT over me.

 

I honestly can’t even believe I’m writing this – I actually had no idea where the direction of this post would go when I sat down and started typing, but here we are. I don’t get too vulnerable out on the web here usually, but I think that being real + vulnerable is a huge part of realizing where you struggle. If you can’t openly admit it or share about your journey (and I’m not talking about just talking about your problems or worries, I’m talking about sharing where you’ve come from + where you are now), then are you really improving or gaining a victory over that struggle? Sometimes we know what to do and think we’re doing it, but we actually aren’t.

 

Whoa, reality check. Yes, for me too.

 

This is a super condensed down version of where my walk has been the last few weeks, but I hope that even just this glimpse is an encouragement for some of you. That even behind pretty instagram photos, helpful blog posts, and all of that, there’s a real girl with real struggles, just like whoever might be reading this on the other side of the screen.

My morning’s aren’t perfect, I’m still working on making my quite time one of the first things I do. Some days I win, some days I don’t. That’s okay – it’s part of the struggle, growth, and process. But my heart and intention are right and aligned where they need to be. God sees that, He’s honoring it.

Now, I’m going to be a little bold and just ask – what are you struggling with? Is it fear and discouragement too? Maybe it’s something else.. Share below in the comments if you want – or even how this post may have impacted you or your mindset this week. So many of you have already opened up + shared on instagram the last few weeks.. REAL, tough life things. Struggles. Family issues. Divorces. Work related things. Like I said before, I’m so blown away by all of you just openly sharing with ME. I cannot tell you how much it has impacted me + just encouraged me that you guys are stepping out and sharing your story with a girl you don’t even know.. wow. I appreciate each one of you, your story, your struggles, and how you’ve opened up to me with me – please know you are in my prayers!

Next week, I’ll share more about the Bible in a Year plan I’m doing  + maybe some other devotionals! If these kind of encouraging posts are something you guys love.. let me know, I think we can bring a little more of this around here and it would benefit us all. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

30 Comments

  1. Sarah said:
    1.26.18

    I had no idea you went to Liberty – I didn’t go but so many of my friends have and I’m a few hours away. So cool!

    Love your vulnerability. Mornings are something I’ve wanted to be intentional with for SO long and I’ve made that a resolution forever, but it’s so hard for some reason. This is such an encouragement though!

    Struggle: totally surrendering an upcoming surgery to the Lord. It’s a scary, delicate operation and hasn’t been around for long so not much is known about long term outcomes. I know God is sovereign over it but the fear has been crippling. Glad you’re encouraging us to share alongside you💗

    Reply
  2. Lindsey said:
    1.26.18

    Wonderfully written and inspirational post, Marissa. I think it’s so refreshing when I see bloggers getting real about life outside of picture perfect Instagram photos. If we can all open up about our challenges and daily struggles, to show each other know we are not alone, imagine how much happier the world could be. People supporting and encouraging other people, especially strangers they’ve never actually met on the web, is a beautiful thing. 💜…and it helps heal our world 🌎

    Reply
  3. Brianne said:
    1.26.18

    Love that you shared things that you are struggling with. I struggle with fear and confidence so similar things as you. I too have made it my goal this year to grow closer to God and make it a priority to spend time in His word everyday. Even though I want to become closer to Him, it’s a struggle to spend time in His word instead of being on social media or getting distracted by housework or whatever else. I do notice though that the days I spend time with Him are the days I find more peace and more confidence. Thank you for sharing your heart and being vulnerable enough to open up about your struggles. It helps to know that I’m not alone and it’s a good reminder that I need to give it all to Him and rely more on Him in my everyday life. Would love for you to share more on this topic. These posts are a great encouragement to me and I’m sure to a lot of other people. Thank you!

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Brianne, I totally agree. Social Media is such a distraction, and total time suck! I put my phone on airplane mode when I sit down in the Word or to journal so I’m not distracted to tempted to check for a notification. It’s helped and I don’t feel the need to flip over my phone and get distracted.

      I’ll definitely be sharing more of these – this got such an incredible response.. so I think we all need more of this! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Jen said:
    1.26.18

    Hi! I so needed this post right now! I feel like I am living on the struggle bus on the daily. I too, am trying to start every day in His word + remember the only thing I need is to trust in Him, His love for me, & the value He has given me. I need to stop valuing other people’s opinions more than I value His + for me, it’s a constant battle. I have thankfully found a good, Christian man to love me & support my walk with Christ. Your post is literally my life, so thank you for helping me to feel not alone!

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Jen, thank you so much for sharing! I appreciate you being vulnerable right back.. we ALL struggle with some thing, many of the same things too – ’cause we’re all human. One thing you said, really stood out to me – stop valuing other people’s opinions more than I value his. 10000% SO MUCH YES. This is where allowing who speaks into your life comes into huge play. Let the Lord’s voice pour in first, and you’ll have discernment to know what other opinions or words aren’t from Him or who He says you are.

      I’m so happy you’ve found a Christian man. They are hard to come by these days! <3

      Reply
  5. Mackenzie said:
    1.26.18

    I love this! Perfectly said. I know that I would benefit from such posts in the future.

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      KEep your eyes open for more – definitely more coming! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Haley said:
    1.26.18

    I absolutely love this. So glad you shared this. It is the most important thing to me to spend time with Jesus before I start my day. Because if I don’t, I notice a huge difference in my happiness, everything seems to bother me, I get frustrated with everything, etc. I NEED to spend time with Jesus first thing because my babies need me to be the best momma that I can be. And that means I need Jesus! I love that you felt you could share this. Because I definitely needed a good reminder.

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Girlfriend, YES! Such a huge difference – attitude, heart, and thoughts.. just like that quote said. Love that this served as a reminder for you – keep dedicating the time! So happy we’ve connected 🙂

      Reply
  7. Elisa said:
    1.26.18

    Marissa,
    I feel so knitted to your heart after this post. Your struggles are so important and I love that you’re being real for a minute. It was even hard for me (transparency here) to believe that you’re going through something, I was like “Noo, she has a blog and shes a self-employed goddess with so many young impressionable minds that shes changing and she’s a YL Silver leader with such a beautiful bright future, what are her struggles? Not to mention her candor and uplifting personality every time I see her, there’s no way she’s struggling with something.” But the truth is we’re all struggling with something and sometimes bringing that realness back into the frame is so important. I love this post, and I love you for it and obviously many other reasons. I thank God that we met and hit it off, and I’m so blessed to have you in my circle of friends. Thanks for being you in every way; I cherish it.

    Right now I’m struggling with self-doubt and unfortunately it’s stemmed from my upbringing. I’m praying for the Lord to break those barriers off me and lift the weight of worry.

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Elisa – your comment brought tears to my eyes. In some ways, I almost hate that those were even your thoughts because I think as bloggers we feel like we have to portray this “everything is perfect life” and uphold some kind of standard… but why? It’s a reality check, because my life is no different than the next girl’s even though it looks like it online.. it’s broadcasted differently (or has been). In some ways, I feel like I have to live up to the blogger expectation – when in reality that’s ridiculous because I dictate what’s shown and portrayed here. I think blogging and just the world in general needs more transparency and even if it’s uncomfortable, we need to share it!

      I 100000% understand generational struggles – that’s mainly where mine stem from, and breaking that mindset is HARD. It feel engrained into your brain and heart, like you have to retrain your entire being on how to function and process things. But it’s possible – you already have the victory over those things in Christ, continue to claim them and bask in his presence.

      I love that we met, have connected, and are working together – you have an infectious personality, laugh, and SUCH a bright future ahead. I can’t wait to see how our stories continue to grow and knit together. You are a gem, friend! <3

      Reply
  8. Sara said:
    1.26.18

    Mornings are my favorite!! I try to be up as early as 5:15! I know crazy! But I have to be in school by 7:30 but I like to start my day off with Jesus as well! I’m not always successful but I really try to make mornings the most anticipated. Lemon water, my bible, and I also journal! Social media does have this way of creeping into my heart and causes me to compare my life with the life of others. I literally have to decide each day to keep my eyes on Jesus. Everyone’s journey is different but we are all the same too! Especially us girls!! So emotional! Lol! I’m on this intense waiting journey right now and the biggest obstacle is really defining what my next step is. Becoming a mom has been one of the many dreams I’d like to see God fulfill. However I’m also trying to navigate what my next step is if God chooses to keep delaying motherhood. It’s tough not knowing what’s ahead but I’m learning how to trust God even though there are many days I do struggle…

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Girl, so much kudos to you for being able to wake up that early. I am NOT a morning person and would basically be toast until 9 if I tried waking up that early – ha. I love that you can wake up that early and spend time with Jesus. He sees that + is honoring it by encouraging your heart in this waiting season. Stay faithful to that commitment.. I can only imagine the blessing and purpose God will give to you and fulfill in your life because you’re choosing to put him first with your days. Psalm 46:5!

      Reply
  9. Rebecca said:
    1.26.18

    Loved reading this post. Your vulnerability is beautiful and so encouraging. I am SO not a morning person, but my heart so desperately craves my quiet time with the Lord. This year (so far) is the first year I am really committing to being in the word daily, and reading through the entire bible in a year. My relationship with Christ is so very important in my life and is stronger than it has ever been before, and wouldn’t you know, I was let go from my job of three years yesterday. I don’t know what the future will hold or how I will financially support myself in the weeks to come, but I have so much peace (at least in the moment) in my heart because I know that I am so very loved by the Lord. He will provide and promises immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. Thank you for sharing your heart and giving me the courage to share mine. Would love to see more posts like this one 💕

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Hi Rebecca! I am SO NOT a morning person either. If I set my alarm for any earlier than 8, I can’t function for a good two hours so it’s almost pointless. I’ve learned that this is OKAY and it’s okay to not wake up at the crack of dawn (I wish I could). I’ve also learned not to be anxious about when I sit down and start working.. obviously I have this luxury since I work from home, but I still felt this pressure to run to my desk 10 minutes after waking up. Now, if I dont’ start working til 11:30, I’m okay with that. I let myself have the time that I need in the morning to set the tone for the day, tidy things up, spend time in the Word, etc.

      I love your testimony about your job. That is SO incredible that you have such peace in a time where you’ve been entirely uprooted from a natural standpoint. Stay grounded in that promise + peace.. His peace transcends all understanding! <3

      Reply
  10. DeLaney said:
    1.26.18

    This touched me so much. For most of the day I have felt so discouraged and fearful. Thank you seriously for sharing.

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      DeLaney – I’m so glad you found this to read. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your struggles right back! Just prayed for you, girl!

      Reply
  11. One proud Auntie said:
    1.26.18

    Marissa this was such a heartfelt beautiful post. You truly amaze me with all you do. Your love for the Lord is infectious. You are inspiring To so many and I love you ❤️
    Thank you for being you

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Auntie <3 thank you so much - for reading, encouraging, and being there always! Love you so much!!

      Reply
  12. Lisa Tomlin said:
    1.27.18

    I love a post like this from a blogger. Thanks for sharing. And what a surprise about Liberty University! I live right here in Lynchburg, VA and attend their church Thomas Road Baptist Church. Did you attend here or online? You wouldn’t believe how much the campus has grown and changed!

    I would love you shared different daily devotionals you read. I’m always interested in adding more to my daily reading.

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Hi Lisa! Oh how cool! I attended on campus + graduated with my Bachelors! I haven’t been back in a few years, I’m due for a visit. I can’t believe how much has changed, just from the photos and things that I’ve seen.

      I am going to do a post on devotionals since I’ve been getting quite a few questions on this!

      Reply
  13. Finney said:
    1.27.18

    Thanks so much for sharing! It was very honest and real! I loved it!

    Reply
  14. Chasta Allen-Herr said:
    1.27.18

    Love this post!! I’m looking forward to the Bible in a year post. I’d really like more of this on IG. 🙏❤️

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Hey Chasta! So glad you loved it! I’m working on sharing more things like this in instagram stories + content here on the blog. Excited to share the bible in a year post too!

      Reply
  15. Marissa said:
    1.29.18

    Favorite post of all time! What a breath of fresh air to read this from a blogger. I completely agree with all of it! Ah, honestly this made me so happy to read your stance on Jesus. We need more of that in this world. Praying for you! Discouragement is such a lie and that’s exactly where Satan wants you to be, but thankfully we have Jesus who came to give us life and life more abundantly! Keep your focus on Him!

    Reply
    • 1.29.18

      Marissa – Thank you so much for your sweet comment + encouragement! I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I’m so glad this post resonated with you and am looking forward to sharing more things like this.. because I think the whole world needs more of this, especially within blogging! x

      Reply
  16. Liz said:
    1.29.18

    So well said, and much needed! I will definitely be rereading this post as a reminded to say No.

    Reply
  17. Lois Wyant said:
    2.4.18

    Thank you so much for being so open. I love the quote: Your day is pretty much formed by how you spend your first hour. Check your thoughts, attitude, and heart.

    How true this is, the days that I spend some time in the morning with God are indeed so much better, and it’s not that anything “better” happens on those days — it’s just that I’m aligned with Christ, so no matter what happens I’m in joy.

    You asked that we share our challenges – I feel God calling me to make a difference for youth and American Veterans through my online store, but I seem to be missing the doors opening. I vision youth creating designs for shirts and veterans helping with the marketing and teaching money management classes to the youth and just changing communities. I think the hard part of life is – figuring out if the ideas that flood my head are from God or distractions.
    How can one tell?

    I enjoy following you and appreciate this post to get to know you better.

    Reply

thoughts?

More to Love: